List #23: Nine Reasons You Shouldn't Bike with Kids

Sprout heading to the playground. Note the iBert in its
box strapped to my bike. Okay, taped. I forgot the bungees.

Inspired by Brendan Leonard's list of nine reasons you shouldn't bike to work, I have written my own list. I've biked many places with Sprout & he really seems to love it. However, don't think you should try it too. Here are nine reasons why you shouldn't bike with children.

1. It’s too dangerous. Having your child in a trailer behind your bike or sitting in a seat attached to your frame while you pedal at breakneck speeds of 10-20km/h seems insane. & though you're both wearing helmets, will those two cm of styrofoam protect your life? It'd be much better to ensconce yourself in the glass, plastic & steel cage of a car. Nobody ever dies in cars.
2. Biking is slow! How will you have time to go to the gym or for a run, now that you've added needless minutes onto your trips by cycling? I guess you could skip the treadmill or the jog, since you're biking, but really, who wants to combine exercise & transportation? The gym is such a great destination! & while we're on the topic of exercise, why would you want your kids to see you doing exercise like cycling? It's not like modelling an active lifestyle makes any difference to them.
3. Helmets mess up your hair. It's important for you & your child to have a perfectly coiffed do that involves lots of volume & vertical height, thanks to several different styling products. As it's practically impossible to style your hair at your destination, since the aforementioned products are so difficult to carry with you. Having a more natural hairstyle or just wearing hats would be ridiculous, wouldn't it?
4. The route from your home to your office/childcare/errands would be stressful on a bike. There are no bike lanes, or off-road paths on the busy streets. Using a quiet residential street that's parallel to your route would be a needless detour. Though Google Maps & many other free resources online show you the bike routes in your city, it would be ridiculous to plan a way to your destination, right? Crawling through rush hour traffic, merging on & off highways, finding parking spaces & dealing with bad drivers are way less stressful.
5. You could get wet in the rain. Nothing (except maybe helmets, see above) ruins hairstyles faster than rain. You never get wet when walking from parking lot to store or home to bus stop. Wearing waterproof clothing would be silly! Where would you put them once you got there? It's not like they have coat racks or lockers or anything.
6. You & the little one might get cold. Not having a climate-controlled bubble around you for your entire ride would be unthinkable. How in the world could mere clothing keep you properly insulated? Besides, the air that your car brings in from the roadway as you travel is probably much healthier to breathe than the stuff outside, isn't it?
7. You'd have to change your routine. Imagine what you'd be giving up! All that quality time with your child where you're both strapped into seatbelts, a metre apart, with you trying to focus on driving while junior has a tantrum in the carseat? Not to mention the daily brain exercise you get from trying to find a parking space at your destination. 
8. Your kid will hate it. All children love being seatbelted into car seats, right? & the view of the seat in front of them, plus the chunk of blue sky they can see above them in the window is enough. But what kid would enjoy travelling slower so they can see things before they whip past? The near 360 degree view from a front-mounted child seat between your arms would probably bore them to tears. Plus being able to clearly hear & see things like birds, dogs & other vehicles would not be fun at all.
9. Biking with your kid is expensive. Sure, you've already got a bike & a helmet, but now you have to buy them a helmet as well? It's impossible to get these things on sale & spending $20-40 is exorbitant, right? Then there's the seat or trailer. How in the world could you get one of those without spending a mint? It's not like there are tons of people selling perfectly good used ones on craigslist or in consignment stores or anything. Cars, insurance, gas, maintenance & car seats are a much more affordable option.

Can you think of any other reasons I've missed? :)


- - - - - - - -
Why Monday lists? Reading the lovely Chloe's blog, Tea Swamp Park, I found an idea I had to 'steal': a list of all her Halloween costumes, with quite a few photos. She got the idea from Hula Seventy's List Project. I've decided to do the weekly lists for a year that Hula Seventy is doing.