Second-guessing

I've enjoyed the last few days of breastfeeding. Sprout has fed a bit more frequently than he was doing before, although he's still all over the place--nowhere near a routine anymore. Today he seems hungrier than usual & I'm hoping that it's his three-month-old growth spurt. He's fed eight times in the last fourteen hours plus we've topped him up with formula twice this evening when he still wasn't satisfied after breastfeeding. He keeps falling asleep for about a half hour, then waking up again.

The last time he woke up suddenly with a squeaky little cry that he's done a handful of times. Maybe he had a bad dream? He was just sleeping on my lap, so I was able to scoop him up & hold him instantly. I like to think I'm a fairly empathetic person & I have many family members & friends that I really care about, but the pain I feel when my son cries is unbelievable. Not when he's just fussing because he's tired, or crying out of hunger when we're in the car or somewhere I can't immediately breastfeed him, but the rare occasions when he's really screaming.

Aside from the sleep deprivation that goes with breastfeeding a newborn, the thing that's most exhausting for me is the constant concern for his welfare. The word 'worry' doesn't really encompass how I feel when he cries, or the myriad of choices we have to make for his future. I'm constantly checking that he's not too warm or too cold & I still find myself listening for his breathing as he sleeps pretty much every day. It's a fine line to walk: trying to be confident & relaxed, to enjoy this, while still doing everything I can to be the best mother & make the right choices for him.

My main worry right now, which I'm trying to put out of my mind, is that Sprout's fussiness & seemingly insatiable hunger today is not a growth spurt, but possibly a sign that reducing the Domperidone dosage is adversely affecting my milk supply. I've decided to try to keep doing what we're doing: just breastfeeding & only topping up when he still wants more, typically once or twice in the afternoon or evening. I will wait until we weigh him in three weeks at our appointment with Dr. Lin at the Breastfeeding Centre. If he's gained a reasonable amount of weight--I think about 24 ounces is what he should be gaining--I will stop worrying that we're starving him.