Surprised

As I sit here writing this, I'm looking over at my little boy, still amazed. Amazed that I'm a mother, amazed that this little person is really finally here, living with me. It's been over seven weeks since little L was born, but every morning when I pick him up out of his little bed & bring him into mine to nurse him, I marvel at him. He's so tiny yet so expressive, so helpless but getting stronger every day.

Of course I've completely fallen in love with him, as every mother is supposed to become utterly devoted to their little ones. Every smile, every laugh, every coo brings a smile to my face. I'm not surprised at how much I love him, but I am surprised at how this love is manifested. I find pleasure in everything I do to take care of him: washing bottles & pump parts; laundering load after load of his small clothes & diapers; wiping his little bum & bathing him in the bathroom sink; dabbing drool or spit-up off his chin & my clothes. Even waking up at 3 or 4am to his cries makes me happy because I get to hold him & cuddle him again. That's something I didn't expect.

We'll see how I feel after months of this life, but at the moment I am taking pride in & getting satisfaction from pretty much every aspect of my role as mama.