Adjusting, pumping, supplementing

The past two weeks have been a process of coming to accept that my life is now totally run by this little boy, after so many years of more or less doing what I choose. I think this process is going to take a long time, over the next few years, as I get used to being a Mama.

Last week we were still running on a bit of a high & just wanted to go out & do things to enjoy our summer. We had our first outing on the bus, brought Linnaeus to the PNE for my birthday, took a few walks, started using the wrap carrier & sling I made, had lots of visitors, went out to a restaurant. I was thinking about visiting Linnaeus' great-grandparents & imagining travelling to Europe with him in the spring or summer.

Monday this week, the midwife came over for our one-week visit. She weighed the baby, but little Sprout had only gained an ounce in his second week. He'd gained well in his first week, so I was a bit blindsided by the slowdown & very distressed about it. The stress has affected my sleep & appetite, which probably hasn't helped my milk supply.

I cancelled nearly everything so I could stay home & deal with the breastfeeding issues I'm having. Oliver has been sent out at least once daily on a three-day scavenger hunt to buy a breast pump, herbs & tea, formula, bottle nipples, donor milk from the milk bank.

It's been one of the more stressful weeks of my life, as I'm worried that things might not improve. I really want breastfeeding to work. I've been taking herbal tincture with Fenugreek & Blessed Thistle to increase my supply, hopefully. I'm also drinking Mother's Milk Tea--another combination of herbs to help stimulate more milk production. I pump after every feeding & then feed the milk to the baby through a lactation aid as I'm feeding him at the next feeding. My midwife also suggested 'topping him up' with either donor milk from the Breast Milk Bank at BC Women's or formula.

Later this morning we bring him to the midwife's office to weigh him again. I'll try to find some time to update the blog with the results of this week's efforts to fatten up Sprout.

I hope in a few weeks I will be happily breastfeeding without tubes, bottles & donor milk & I can look back at this one & wish I hadn't gotten so stressed out over everything... I'm very grateful for all the support I've had so far: My family has been wonderful & Oliver is really trying hard to take care of me & Sprout. My midwives & doula have been helpful & in touch daily this week. My friends are also great for encouragement & empathy. So whatever happens, I'm doing my best & so is everyone around me.